How to Make Sure You Never Get Rich

1) Don’t get a degree. Those college students are brown nosers. You can learn all you need to know by watching TV.

2) Don’t save money. That’s for Grandma. Saving doesn’t work these days anyway.

3) Don’t have role models. That’s more brown nosing.

4) Avoid all calculated risks. The only risks worth taking are for sex, and illegal drugs.

5) Constantly complain. You know you are the ultimate authority and critic. No one is even trying.

6) Be completely apathetic. Nothing you do will matter. They hold you down.

7) Avoid goals and planning. More brown nosing. If you became successful, you wouldn’t care about poor people.

8) Act as if the government and the rich owe you. You don’t have to read any of the Constitution. That money should be given to you.

9) Have a few kids before you can support yourself. You can’t be a virgin forever. You have to have kids. You are owed, remember?

10) Hang out with losers. Ya, they mooch and steal and cause problems. But they are real!

11) Talk and think in vague terms. Say things like "real", and "the people." Never say or do anything that would make a celebrity or their drug dealer mad.

12) Procrastinate, if you think about breaking the rules above.

(Do the opposite of what is written above if you want to be rich.)